Spiralling
by xdannixdilaurentisx
Summary: Toby doesn't save Emily in the locker room, leading to a long spiral of abuse and depression. Hints of Emison and Emaya.
1. Chapter 1

So this is my first try at a story, please tell me what you think!

Disclaimer: Rated M for mature content( ) and I don't own PLL.

Gliding, feeling every stroke, watched the glistening water fall between my fingers as my head emerged for a breath. Swim practise is what I live for. The calm, the cool, the cleanse.

I jumped out the water, grabbing my Sharks towel and bringing it to my face to wipe away the water. Pulling off my goggles and cap, I made my way into the change room. Nobody else was around, it was a Friday and everyone was getting ready for Noel's cabin party.

I opened my locker and grabbed my phone, 6:13pm. My mom would already be waiting for me. I hurriedly grabbed my folded track pants and shirt out of my locker with clean underwear and my roll on deodorant. I dragged my brush carefully through my sopping wet hair trying to drain some of the moisture.

I reached for tracksuit pants, when I suddenly felt a firm hand on my arm. Panic jolted through my body as I spun around, only to relax at the face I saw. My boyfriend Ben stood there goofily staring at me.

" You scared me, " I chuckled, playfully punching his shoulder.

" Ah, well I wanted to surprise you, " his tone was cheerful and a huge smile was spread across his face.

" How did you get here? "

" Walked. "

" You're so silly! I have to go, my mom is waiting for me at home. "

" Just a few minutes Em. "

He crashed his lips into mine, his hands roaming downwards on my body. I hesitantly leaned in. I felt nothing, and felt dreadful for leading him on.

" I need to get dressed Ben. "

" Don't bother. "

My stomach sunk as he started to seductively lower my costume. I quickly pushed it back up and blushed.

" My mom is waiting. "

" What's going on with you, last week you were all over me in my car and this week you have barely given me a second look! "

" I'm sorry, I've just been stressed. "

" Well maybe you just need to relax. "

" I need to get dressed. "

" You need to stop worrying. "

My heart began to race as he smashed his lips into mine, forcing me against the locker with his superior body weight.

" Ben, please. "

Ben started lowering my costume again. Desperately I attempted to push him off me, but Ben was strong and heavy. Tears began to stroll down my cheek as he hastily unbuttoned his blue shirt. His abs now pressed uncomfortably against my breasts and I whimpered in discomfort.

" Please stop Ben. "

My voice was desperate and soft, fear trembling through my being.

" Shut up. "

He ripped my costume down the side and forced it off of me as I tried my utmost to resist. The next thing I knew, I was exposed and I felt empty.

Ben stood back to admire me, and I saw my chance, I tried to run but he laughed cruelly, blocking my way and forcing me back onto the locker.

"Help! "

I tried to scream, but my voice came out weak and muffled.

Ben squeezed my breasts and I flinched. Cold air brushed against my exposed body as more tears cascaded down my face.

Ben grabbed his phone from his pocket.

" Smile, " he chuckled.

I gasped in horror as I realised his intentions. His flash went off multiple times. I tried to shield my body but he smacked my hands away.

He then discarded of his phone, pushing me onto my knees in front of him and manoeuvring my hands to his belt.

I hesitantly unbuckled his jeans, looking up at him pleadingly only to be met with looks of lust. He pushed his jeans and underwear to the ground, exposing his member.

I winced and try to look away but he grabbed me by the hair, forcing my mouth around him. He moved me up and down in a bobbing motion. I started to gag and more tears rolled down my cheeks. He soon came into my mouth, forcing me to swallow. The sensation running down my throat caused me to start crying excessively.

" Stop snivelling slut, " he spat at me and I cowered in shame.

He forced me onto the floor, holding me down as he entered me.

I screamed out in pain and was met with the sting of his hand on my cheek.

He thrusted quickly into my tight virgin walls as I bit my lip to suppress my cries of pain. I stared into his cold eyes as he came hard and fast into me.

When he eventually got off of me, he forced me to my feet and passionately kissed my lips.

" I love you Emily, " he said with his eyes roaming over my still naked body.

" Do you really? " I squeaked between sobs.

" Yes, don't even dare question me. It's you who doesn't return my feelings. "

I looked up at him questioningly.

" I will not let you break up with me for Maya, you slut. "

Realisation struck me. That's why he was so aggressive.

" I'm not with Maya, " I whispered, my voice sore and hesitant.

He scoffed, " You better keep me happy, because otherwise your little secret gets out. "

He kissed me again, dressing himself before pushing me to the ground and running off, leaving my naked.

I slowly stood up, a new emptiness surrounding me. Quickly, I showered, changed and ran to the parking lot to my car.

I sat silently in my car, staring into nothingness. His cruel voice echoed through my head, haunting me. I didn't want to go home. I didn't want to go to the girls. I didn't want anyone to see me this weak, this broken, with my body scattered in bruises and my face stained with tears.

I drove. At first I didn't know where I was going, or maybe I did I'm not sure. The next thing I knew I was just sitting there, silently reminiscing. The kissing rock was our place. It was ours.

I removed my track jacket and laid it on the rock as a pillow. I felt my phone buzz. Messages from my mom, the girls, Maya, I switched it off and laid down, trying to remember Alison instead of Ben.


	2. Chapter 2

_Hey! Thanks for following and favouriting. I hope you enjoy! I feel people have messaged me about a few words they think I misspelled, I'm not American so I write in South African English(closer to British English) but I will try to use words that are commonly spelt. Please review, I'd love to her everyone's feedback!_

The next morning I awoke slowly, my body ached and waking up seemed unfathomable. I tentatively zipped up my jacket, my muscles aching as I stood. I didn't want to leave, so I crossed my legs and sat on the rock. For hours I just sat there, I had no commitments on a Saturday.

All of a sudden I felt the urge to scrub Ben off of me. I wanted him, no, needed him off of me. The sudden urge caused my to stand and jog to where my car was parked.

As I got to the parking lot, I noticed a long line of police tapes and flashing lights.

There were police sirens, my car was being searched and I could hear lots of crying.

In the middle of the chaos, I spotted Maya being questioned and my friends comforting my anxious mother.

" Emily! " Maya cried out, running towards me. Everyone's heads turned in confusion and excitement towards me. Suddenly I was being swarmed by my family and friends, who were then pushed away by the police who hurriedly helped me into a squad car and drove me down to the station for questioning.

Refusing to answer, I stayed silent, staring past the cops. They said I was crazy and needed a psych evaluation.

Sitting on a big brown leather chair in the prison psychologists office, tears started stream down my cheek once again like a non stop waterfall, but as soon as the psychologist walked in I forced myself to stop and quickly wiped my face.

I was deemed mentally stable, but mute. No one knew what had happened. I had heard an officer saying my mother had called the station at around 7 frantically searching for me. Within another hour all of her friends had shown up at the station and by 9 the whole town was on high alert. My friends and family had been at the station all night. They found my vehicle about an hour before I showed up.

A police officer escorted me alongside the psychologist into the stations waiting room, which was buzzing with my anxious family and friends. Upon seeing me, they all leapt up and almost formed a line with questions and concerns.

My mother was first, embracing me in a comforting bear hug. I just stood there emotionlessly. She looked up at me with frightened and worried eyes, which I avoided successfully.

My friends tried to get me to talk, I could barely even hear their questions over the swarm of thoughts bashing through my head.

The car ride home was awkward to say the least. I sat in the passengers seat, staring out the window.

" Em, hun, please talk to me sweetie, " my mom stuttered through silent sobs.

I turned my head and offered my mom a small smile. I didn't want her to cry over me. I knew it would only upset her more if she knew the truth.

What if she did know the truth? Would she be disappointed in me? Angry? Disgusted?

I quickly shot my head around, staring back out the window. Because in that moment I knew it. If I told her, she would hate me. Hate me for being a slut, hate me for being dishonest and hate me for being gay.

We pulled up at our house and I quickly jumped out of the car, avoiding my mothers worried gaze.

" Emily wait! " my mom cried after me.

I opened the door and was about to run upstairs when I heard a voice.

" Oh my god Em! Are you alright? What happened? "

I felt strong arms wrap tightly around me and I burst into tears. My arms stayed glued to my side. I would not hug him, I would not hug Ben.

My body shook and I felt a pit form deep in my stomach.

I sat on the stairs as my mom and Ben chatted in the living room, far enough so they couldn't see me but close enough to hear every whisper.

" Don't feel bad Ben, " my mom said comfortingly. " Emily hasn't said a word to anyone since they found her. "

" I just don't understand, " Bens voice oozed false sweetness and hurt, " She was still my beautiful, sweet Em when I saw her at the pool yesterday. Now she looks, different. "

" I don't know, " I hear my moms voice crack as she burst into tears.

" It's ok Mrs Fields, maybe I can get her to talk? "

" I hope so, I'd hate to have to put her in therapy. I mean she won't even talk to her friends! "

I brought my knees into my chest, hugging them tightly and burying my face between my knees.

The next day I didn't get up. I lay in bed. At around 12 there was a knock on my door. I didn't answer, but the door opened anyway.

" Hey Em, " Aria smiled at me.

" Hey, " Hanna and Spencer greeted in chorus. I looked at them blankly and sat up.

Aria sat on the bed next to me while Hanna and Spencer each pulled up a chair.

There was an awkward silence, it was dead quiet as no one knew what to say.

" Have you downloaded the new Beyoncé? " Hanna asked both jokingly and desperately.

At that I burst out crying, showing weakness for the first time. I decided to give in, it was my friends and they wouldn't force me to talk.

" Sssh Em, " Aria wrapped her arms around me. Tears rolled down all 3 of my friends' cheeks as they grabbed me in a group hug.

" Let it out Em, " Hanna whispered in a hoarse voice.

" We're here for you, " Spencer put a hand reassuringly on my shoulder.

We sat in silence for awhile. I enjoyed their company, it was comforting even in the silence.

There was a knock on the door. The girls waited for me to answer, but when I didn't Spencer yelled for whoever it was to come in.

" Hey girls, I hope you don't mind, can I borrow Emily for a bit? "

My heart sank. Ben was back and my mom would be out for hours. I silently prayed that my friends would stay. Please, please, please.

" We'll get out of your hair then, " Aria sweetly offered. " Bye Em. "

Aria came over and kissed my head. Hanna and Spencer followed her. They all walked out crying and my heart sank.

Ben peered down the stairs, waiting for them to leave.

As he walked back into the room, an evil grin appeared on his face.

" We have the place all to ourselves, " he chuckled as he closed my door behind him.


	3. Chapter 3

I'm _sorry I took so long to update, had a lot going on, but I'm back! Thanks to those who reviewed and please leave a review so that I know how I'm doing, honesty appreciated!_

" Go away Ben, " my voice cracked as I spoke, my eyes full of hatred and fear.

He chuckled menacingly. " So the mute can talk. You know you can't keep up this act forever, they already know something is up. "

" I'm sorry, " I stammered.

I felt his hand crack against my face leaving a stinging sensation on my cheek. " You better be. "

I cowered back into my bed against the headrest, leaning back as far away from him as I could get as my heart raced in my chest.

He crawled onto the bed, his arms pinning me back. " You know how this goes next, we can do this the easy way or we can do this the hard way. "

I whimpered and closed my eyes, trying not to look at him. " Please Ben. "

" You know the deal Emily, but this time you can't run off and go mute again. You have to start acting normal. "

He started forcefully kissing me, his tongue forcing itself into my mouth. It felt dirty.

When he had finally had enough, he lay down exhausted on top of me, squashing me under his enormous weight.

Tears ran softly down my cheek.

He lifted himself up and pushing me backwards so I was sitting up against the bed res, his hands against the wall on either side of my face so that he was uncomfortably close to me. My eyes darted around trying not to catch his.

" Look at me dammit! "

I quickly obeyed in fear. His eyes were dark and cruel.

" I love your eyes Em, " he smiled at me lovingly. " Chocolate hazelnut, they're so gorgeous. "

" You know I love you right? " he leaned in and softly kissed me.

I sat there, unable to move my face away from the kiss.

He then stared at me for a moment lovingly, before his eyes turned dark again. " Say it back! "

" I love you, " I whispered quickly. I knew I didn't mean it, but I was too exhausted and frightened to upset him.

" So here's the deal, you act like nothing happened and you start talking again like normal. You pretend you have forgotten about the other night and convince them you are okay. You act like we are madly in love. You can see your little lesbian whore Maya on the side but you tell her nothing of this. And if you keep up our little deal, nobody has to find out your little secret. "

I hurriedly nodded, bowing my head in shame.

" Emily, I'm home! " I heard my mom call out.

" I'll go greet her and tell her the great news that you can talk! "

He walked out of the room confidently. I silently slipped out of bed and sat on the stairs to hear their conversation.

" How is she? " I heard my mothers worried voice.

" Amazing actually! She's talking. "

" Oh my god, " my mother's voice was joyful and excited, " Really? "

" Yes, like full conversations. "

" Has she told you what happened? "

" She doesn't seem to remember anything, it's like she's lost two or so days. I mean she was all mute and upset and then I went to the bathroom and came back and she was.. Emily again! "

" Well maybe it's better for her to forget. Whatever it was really shook her. Do her friends know she's talking again? "

" No, I know that's selfish of me but I wanted some time alone with her. I missed her. "

" That's alright Ben, I think I'll tell them in the morning. If I tell them now, they'll never leave and I won't get her to myself either! "

" Well, I'll give you guys some time alone. Give her a big hug goodbye for me please? "

" Of course. Thank you for being such a big help with Em. I'm sure she really appreciates you being there. "

I quietly scoffed and laughed, I couldn't believe she actually bought his act.

" Any time Mrs Fields, may I come visit again tomorrow? "

" Why don't you come for dinner tomorrow night? "

" That would be lovely, bye Mrs Fields. "

" Bye Ben. "

I quickly got up and moved up the stairs. I sat back on my bed. I grabbed a magazine from my bedside table and flipped it open.

I faintly heard my mother's footsteps coming up the stairs.

As she knocked on the door I thought to myself, act natural, act normal, act like nothing happened.

" Come in, " my voice reeked of false cheeriness and I put on my best cheesy smile.

My mom opened the door cautiously, almost like she was still getting over the shock of hearing my voice.

" Hey Em, " she stammered, sitting gently on the edge of my bed.

" Hi mom, " my voice was bubbly and energetic. I had to convince my mother. I had no choice in my mind.

She looked startled and amazed by my sudden change in mood. " How are you doing? "

" I'm great thanks, a little bored. I think I'll go for a run or something after dinner. And how are you? "

" I'm so happy to have my Emily back, " she laughed and pulled me into a hug. I flinched but gave in to her comfort.

" What do you mean? " I said playing along with Ben's story.

" Well, never mind. Did you enjoy your visit with Ben? "

I cringed at his name, " Yep. "

" Is that all I'm getting? Yep? "

" Yep. "

" Alright Em, well dinner will be ready soon. "

The second my mom left my room, my fake grin faded and I curled up into my bed, burying my face into my pillow and finding comfort in my duvet.

I lay there silently, numbly. I felt a fire in the pit of my stomach and ache in my heart.

I missed Maya, I needed to see her. I pulled my phone out of my jeans pocket to send her a message, and I saw that I had over a hundred whatsapps.

There were many from Aria, Spencer and Hanna. A few from Ben.

I ignored all of them, searching for Maya's name. I found it easily, 4 messages.

Maya: Hey Em, where are you? Chen

Maya: Worried about you. 3

Maya: Tell me when you want me to come over and I'll be there. 3

Maya: Miss you xxx

My heart raced and for the first time in days a genuine smile appeared across my face. It was amazing how such simple messages made my heart flutter.

Emily: Do you want to come over tomorrow afternoon? I miss you so much! xxx

I immediately received an answer.

Maya: Definitely! Can't wait to see you xxx

I lay back on my bed, content. My feelings for Maya weren't something I could really understand. I had found Ben slightly attractive and nice, but he had never made me feel so incredible like Maya did.

" Em, dinners ready! " my mom called out to me.

The next morning I had my alarm set for 7am. In order to fake business as usual, I went for a run. When I came back I quickly showered and got dressed, did my hair and makeup before going downstairs to the kitchen table to start on homework before my friends arrive at 9am.

I heard a knock at the door and my mother answered.

" Hi Mrs Fields, " my friends chorused.

" Hi girls, " I heard my mother greeting them.

" How is she? " Aria asked.

" So much better! She's talking, she's out of bed, she even went for a run this morning. "

" I guess Ben really helped, " Hanna chirped.

" He seems to have, but she appears to have no recollection of the last few days, so if you girls could just talk like normal that would be great. "

" Of course Mrs Fields, " Spencer said.

I stood up and walked to the door. They looked shocked to see me back to my normal self.

" Hey guys, " my false smile reappearing on my face as I put up an act for my friends.

They looked very confused. I guess they thought my mom was exaggerating.

" H-h-i Em, " Spencer stuttered in surprise.

" Do you guys want to come upstairs, or go to a movie, or go shopping? " I asked.

They looked taken aback.

" Let's go shopping then, " Hanna smiled at me.

My energy was really wearing up. My falseness was starting to show through. Hanna had at least 10 bags and was about to fall over.

" I think we should get back now, " I smiled at them, " Maya is coming over for the afternoon. "

" Sure, " Hanna replied, " But just one more shop! "

I hesitantly followed as Hanna skipped off into Victoria Secret.

Hanna was browsing happily through all the lingerie and Spencer had picked out a few bras, Aria looked a little awkward hesitantly browsing through the lingerie blushing excessively. I stood staring into space. I didn't want to show how uncomfortable I was but at the same time I was way too stressed out at even the thought of anything sexual or private that I couldn't possible participate.

" How about this for Ben? " Hanna smirked, showing me the tiniest underwear set you could possible imagine.

My heart raced and my breathing quickened, ".Umm, no thanks Han. "

" Why not, " Spencer asked. " He'd do love it, unless.. "

" Aren't you guys doing it? " Hanna asked as if it was an obvious presumption.

" It's not a race Han, " Aria snapped at her suddenly. " It's not something you have to be doing. "

" But you guys have done it, " Spencer reminded everyone, " so why wouldn't you be doing it now? "

" I just don't want to play? "

It came out in a much ruder tone than I expected it to. I quickly regretted it when I saw the girls' confused looks.

" Em? " Aria gave me a worried look.

" It's no big deal, " I quickly replied. " Cam we just buy this stuff and go? "

After the girls had left, Maya texted me that she was on her way. I quickly fixed my hair and makeup, checking in the mirror that I looked perfect.

While I was still looking in the mirror, out of the corner of my eye I spotted Maya.

I turned around quickly and ran to her, giving her a big hug.


	4. Chapter 4

_Okay so this is the third time I've tried to post this, every time there's this weird error. Thanks to those who reviewed! And to the guest who asked for Ali or Maya back, this chapter is just Maya! Ali will come back but not yet. Please review, favourite and follow!_

" Em, " she said in a hushed, calm voice, " I've missed you so much. "

" I've missed you too, " I choked, tasting my salty tears that had found their way to my lips. I could never hide my true feelings around Maya. She knew me way better than anybody else, our connection was so much stronger.

She held me tightly as I softly sobbed into her shoulder, staining her soft blue sweater with my mascara. I could smell her John Frieda shampoo and her chocolate body wash mixed in with her minty breath.

" Ssh, " she hushed me and led me to the bed. We sat next to each other, hand in hand. She stared into my eyes, a worried look in her own. Her hazel eyes were misty. She brushed my hair out of my face gently with her hand.

" Your mom says you don't remember, " Maya spoke kindly, " but I don't believe that. "

Tears cascaded down my cheeks and she squeezed my hand. I felt exposed and weak, but with Maya I was not embarrassed.

" I know I can't lie to you, " I softly answered. " I just can't tell you the truth. "

At first she looked hurt, but then she sighed.

" Then don't say anything, " Maya cupped my cheek gingerly with her hand and embraced me again. I loved the feeling of her strong but small arms wrapped tightly around my body. It was a feeling of love and comfort and strength. I felt protected. I had my guardian angel.

" I want to tell you, " I admitted.

" Why can't you? " she asked and looked at me as if she was searching for the answer in my eyes.

I sobbed even more and said nothing, looking down into my lap. My one hand found its way to my to my skirt and I started fiddling with the slight frill at the end.

" You're scared, " she decided and I looked up. " Are you scared of someone? Something? "

" Both I guess, " I whispered.

" Did somebody hurt you? " she asked, her voice trembling. I could see her eyes storming, the tears building up.

I averted my eyes as more tears welled up in my eyes and I squeezed them shut.

" Emily, " she said nervously, tears beginning to flow like a river down her soft skin. " Please, I'm so worried about you. Did somebody hurt you? "

I stared out of the window. I didn't want to admit it. She cupped my cheek and gently turned my head to look at her. I broke down looking into her frightened eyes, their chocolate softness melting my heart.

" Maybe, " my voice was hoarse and cracked.

" God Em, " tears begin to cascade down her cheeks, " What happened? "

I sobbed and sobbed. How was I suppose to tell Maya? I didn't want to hurt her, but I felt the urge to tell someone and she was the only one I could imagine telling.

" I couldn't stop him, " I choked again and she pulled me into another hug, muttering calming words into my ear.

" Who hurt you? What did he do? "

I nestled into her hair feeling her comfort surround me. I knew I had to tell her, which made me cry harder, burying myself deeper into her warm shoulder and sweater that was already stained with my mascara.

" B-b-ben, " I croaked.

She let go of me and had a disgusted look on her face. I could feel her anger building up. Her eyes went dark and her fists clenched.

" What did that son of a bitch do to you? "

I bit my lip and shut my eyes, trying not to think about it. Images flashed through my brain and I did my best to shut them out. My breathing got heavier, my heart rate increased.

" Em you're starting to worry me. Did he, did he. Um. Did he rape you? "

The word sounded so incredibly dirty and I felt vomit in the back of my throat.

I remembered his strong hands. I remembered his vile words. I remembered his aggressiveness.

I looked up and saw Maya registering my silence, hatred and disgust was painted across her face, as well as worry and hurt. Realisation had hit her.

" Oh my god Em. "

She squeezed my hand tightly and tried to calm herself down. Tears streamed down both of our faces like waterfalls.

" I'm going to kill him, " she spat. " Why isn't he already rotting in a jail cell? "

" He said, " I stuttered, " that if I tell people he will tell everyone about us. And I just can't do that Maya. My mom would hate me. My friends would hate me. "

Realisation hit Maya, " Oh Em! Oh my god. Emily, you would rather be used and abused than your mom know you're gay? "

" I'm sorry. "

" Don't be sorry Em! I just wish you weren't so scared and hurt. Have you seen him since? "

" Yes. "

" Has he.. used you, again? "

My eyes darted around the room and I gulped.

" Yes. "

" Oh my god Emily! "

" " Please don't hate me. "

" I could never hate you Em! I love you, but you need to tell people about this. "

" He'll tell everyone about us, about me. "

" Maybe that's not such a bad thing. "

"It's not only that. I'm also embarrassed. "

" Of us? "

" No! Of being so weak, being a slut. "

" Emily Fields you are one of the strongest people I know! And there is no way such a sweet innocent girl could ever be a slut. I promise nobody will think that! "

" They will. I do. "

" Don't say that Em! "

Maya started bawling uncontrollably. Her hand tightly squeezed mine and she brought me in for another hug, but this time I was comforting her.


	5. Chapter 5

_Sorry this has taken so long! I had no wifi access. Happy New Year!_

I sat next to Ben at the dinner table,attempting to subtly get myself as far away from him as possible. We sat in utter deafening silence while we waited for dinner to be ready.

I stared straight ahead, avoiding all eye contact with Ben so that he couldn't see the weakness in my eyes, terror and anxiousness clouding over them.

My mother calmly walked into the room with three bowls filled to the brim with bubbling tomato soup.

" So Ben, how has swim practise been? " my mom asked him.

Ben had a huge goofy grin plastered across his face. " I think it's going well thanks! The Sharks are definitely going to dominate this season, right Em? "

" Yeah, " I replied with as much enthusiasm as I could gather up, but it still came across weaker than I had hoped.

" And your anniversary is coming up next week! Do you have any plans? " my mom naively inquired.

Ben looked at me, then down at my hand. I felt his hands meet mine and I felt my heart drop. My breathing sped up as fear and disgust pulsed through me.

" We are going to be going out for dinner at the new French place, " Ben informed her. He looked at me, urging me to confirm it. I hesitantly nodded. It was much easier to act normal when that monster wasn't holding my hand.

" Oh that sounds lovely! " my mom clasps her hands together. " I've heard that it's really good. "

After the long, awkward meal, we sat in the living room with cups of delicious warm coffee in our hands. My mother sat on one couch and Ben and I sat on the other. I stayed as far away from Ben as possible, keeping my distance.

" Oh sit closer, " my mom laughed. " You don't have to be shy around me! "

Ben had an evil smirk painted on his face. He moved towards me as I sat as still as a statue, wincing at the thought of more physical contact. He was now sitting anxiously close to me as I tried to discreetly lean away. He grabbed my hand again, giving me a warning glance. I felt my stomach flip as I readjusted myself so that we appeared more intimate.

" That's better, " my mom smiled warmly at us. " So Em, how was your visit with Maya earlier. "

I could sense Ben's anger rising as I felt is hand become tighter around mine and his breathing more irregular.

" It was great thanks, it was nice to see Maya again. It felt like it had been ages. "

" Well I'm glad you enjoyed yourself, are you friends with Maya Ben? "

I looked at him, giving him a hopeful look pleading for him to answer positively.

" Um, not exactly Mrs Fields. " I could sense that he was pretty happy with himself, very excited to speak ill of the girl who 'stole his girlfriend.'

" Oh, " Mrs Fields exclaimed surprised, " Why not? "

" What Ben's trying to say, " I started defending Maya, but Ben interrupted, " She's gay and I'm not sure I like Em being around her. "

My mom looked taken aback, shock in her eyes.

" Em? Is this true? " she asked me.

I looked at Ben, a lump forming in my throat. He had a smirk that reminded me of Noel Kahn. I looked to my mom. She looked shocked for sure, but there was another emotion that rose above that that I couldn't quite figure out. I took a deep breathe.

" Yes, it's true. "

" Emily! " my mother exclaimed. " How could you associate yourself with someone, someone like THAT? "

I looked down into my lap ashamed, not of Maya but of myself. I understood what the other emotion was now. Disgust.

My mom stared at me for what seemed like an age, the silence was deafening and my eyes brimmed with salty tears threatening to cascade down my cheeks.

Eventually, she said, " Well I agree with Ben. I don't like you being around someone like that. "

" But mom, " I helplessly muttered.

" But nothing. Where are your values? She is a sinner and I don't want you around her! "

" But, " my lip quivered and it felt like my heart was being ripped from my chest.

" No Emily! I can see she is already clouding her judgment! Was she the reason? Was she why you were missing the other night? Is she why you went mute? "

" Of course not! Maya had nothing to do with that! "

" So you do remember! "

I bit my lip, knowing I would pay for my mistake.

Ben brought his hand up to my face gently, the way he handed in a while and I looked into his eyes.

" Em, please. Listen to your mom and please be honest, " he sounded so kind and worried that I almost believed is act for a moment.

I couldn't take it anymore. I jumped up and ran out the door, my sleeve wiping tears from my eyes.

I heard my mom and Ben crying out after me and Ben trying to run after me. I heard a car engine start. I could never outrun a car!

I found myself nearing Spencer's house, I slipped into her backyard so that they wouldn't know where I was. I ran towards the gap between the Hastings' and Dilaurentis' houses, hiding between some tries.

I crouched down, bringing my knees towards me. Tears streamed uncontrollably down my face as I buried myself into my knees.

I could help it. All I could hear was his cruel words. I tried to drown them out, but the image of him forcing himself on me played through my head on a loop.

Suddenly I heard soft footsteps making their way towards me. I lifted my head quickly, terrified of who it might be.

Shock raced through my body as I shakily tried to stand. Her gorgeous sunshine hair, her creamy skin, her mysterious eyes and that hypnotising smile.

" Ali? "


	6. Chapter 6

_Yes, I haven't posted in forever. Yes, this is a crappy update. Yes, this is another one of those pathetic apologies that you find at the top of late, short chapter._

 _Sorry guys (not that there are many of you) but I really have had a lot going on, even when I started this story and I'm just going to try and update as often as possible!_

" Emily, " her voice was soft and smooth, exactly how I remembered it. " I've missed you so much! "

I looked at her in utter confusion. She was dead, she had to be. I had seen the police uncover her body in Maya's yard. I had gone to her funeral.

I hesitantly lifted a hand, using it to gently push a piece of hair from her face, my heart racing at the small contact. My head hurt, this wasn't possible.

" Am I dreaming? " I tried to find reason. " I have to be, but your hair feels so real, you seem so real. "

A weak smile appeared on her face. I could now see dark circles under her eyes and that her pale skin was even paler.

" It does feel like a dream doesn't it, " she whispered. " Like if I close my eyes I will wake up and I'll be alone again. But I promise you this is real, it has to be. "

" How? "

Her smile dropped and tears brimmed in her eyes, threatening to burst.

" It's complicated Em, " she sighed, " I don't even know the half of it, but it's not safe for me here. "

" Is it A? "

" Partly, mostly. If A even has a hint of an idea that I'm here.. "

Distress was painted across her face as she sat down next to me, our shoulders brushing together.

" Then why are you here? "

That weak smile reappeared. " You. "

" Me.. What? "

" I was worried about you. "

Her hand found mine, gently enclosing them and giving my hands a tight squeeze.

" What do you mean? "

" A might be cruel, but A isn't completely heartless. "

I looked up at her with confusion written in my expression.

" A may have tipped me off. "

Red rose to my cheeks and my heart sped up. She couldn't possibly know, could she? I haven't old anyone except Maya and I doubt even A knew!

My eyes left hers as I stated into my lap, fumbling with my fingers.

" What exactly did A tell you? "

She sighed, taking an old burner phone out of her pocket, looking through her messages and then handing the phone to me.

The picture was blurry, but it was clear in what circumstance it was taken. I saw my tear stained face, my ripped costume, half naked as Ben was pushing me down.

" I've done a bit of investigating myself, just to make sure I had the facts straight. First I followed the girls, then Ben, who led me to Maya. She's really sweet Em. "

At the mention of Maya, Ali let go of my hand, her eyes darting away. I looked up at Ali, trying to figure out how much Ali knew by her facial expression.

" I know about Maya, Em. I actually talked to her, I was so worried about you, I had to risk it. "

" What did she tell you? "

" Everything, Em. About that night when you disappeared, the muteness, what you told her. She was reluctant to tell me, but I assured her I was only trying to help you. She also told me about what Ben has against you. Em, you can't let him control you over something so silly! "

I burst into a fit of salty tears, involuntarily shaking and clinging onto her arm.

Ali's face softened, she caught me in a warm, comforting embrace and I felt hot tears running of her face onto my back.

" You have to report him Em, " her voice was suddenly stern. " And then you have to get help, see someone. I know you, I know how personally you will take this. "

" But if I turn him in.. "

" Yes Em, he will out you, but I promise as soon as you're out you will finally be able to show the world how amazing you are. "

In that moment of closeness and weakness, I glanced up at her and my eyes caught her soft, pink lips. Memories flooded back to me of all the times I had wanted to, needed to or had brushed my lips against hers. I remembered the feeling of passion and love that I felt. I can't remember every feeling that with Maya, the "spark" that was supposed to just be a fairytale. But I had felt it with Ali. And I suddenly felt guilty, my girlfriend Maya was so good to me, and I really did like her. She had gotten me through Ali's death and was so supportive about Ben.

As I was lost in my thoughts, I felt lips brushed gently against mine, but I quickly pulled away. I saw the hurt in Ali's eyes.

" I can't Ali, " my voice broke. " I can't do this. You left me. "

" Em, " I had never seen Ali cry, sob a little bit never wail the way she did in this moment. My heart broke for her, but she hadn't broken mine long ago. " You don't understand. "

" Save it! You faked your own death. I thought, I thought something terrible had happened to you and I have been to hell and back wondering whether you even liked me as a friend let alone more. You teased me, that's half the reason I'm so scared to be outed! Because of the way you looked at me in the locker room with utter disgust. "

" Em, baby... "

" What do you expect me to say Alison? "

" Em, I love you! "

I wanted to scream I love you too! But I didn't. I couldn't. What about Maya? I gulped and looked away, briefly catching her eyes. She looked desperate, heart broken, like I had torn away her protective cover and what was left was this fragile, loving girl.

" Emily, " she started, but I quickly cut her off, " No Ali, I can't do this! Don't you get it? "

" I know you Em, I know you still love me. "

" That doesn't change anything Alison. "

" Please just give me a chance.. "

" To do what? Mess with me again? "

" I will do anything Em, I want you to know how much I love you. I will prove it to you. "

" You can't. "

" Of course I can. "

" No you can't. You're dead remember? "

" Yeah, I heard. Emily, I never planned for that. I don't know how a body showed up and I have no idea who it is. "

I scoffed and turned around to walk back.

" Fine, I'll just have to prove it to you, even if you don't want to give me a chance. "

I kept walking, shaking my head as tears streamed down my cheeks.

" Yeah, sure Alison. "

There was no response. I turned around, but she was gone.


	7. Chapter 7

_**Hey guys! So I didn't take years to update this time! #progress. Had a half day of school so found time to write this! Thanks to everyone who reviewed! Special shoutouts to**_ Packersgirl492 **_for being so sweet and amazing! I'm not sure what kind of response this chapter will get but anyway._**

My head still spinning, I made my way across Spencer's yard and out onto the street. I didn't want to go home quite yet, there was only one place I wanted to be.

I knocked hesitantly on the door, tears still steaming down my face. I stood there for what seemed like an eternity, my palms sweaty and slightly muddy. Shivering, I turned around to go only to hear the soft creak of the door opening behind me.

" Em? "

Maya's voice had always been softer than Ali's, less assertive and much calmer. It reminded me of smooth hot chocolate, comforting and warm.

I turned to face her. Maya wore ripped boyfriend jeans, denim converse, a plain white crop top and a loose boho kimono. It was so simple, but so Maya. Necklaces dangled daintily from her neck and I spot rings on her fingers as she gently enclosed our hands.

Her thumb wiped away tears from my eyes.

" You saw Ali, " she said. It was more of a statement than a question, but I meekly nodded anyway. " I thought maybe you'd run back to her. "

" I love you Maya, " I whispered, my voice croaking. I burst into tears yet again, I was so fed up with feeling weak. She welcomed me into an embrace.

As we hugged, I heard a car pull up onto the curb behind us.

" Emily? "

I wasn't sure if my mother was angry or frightened or upset, she seemed a mess of emotions that I couldn't quite pinpoint.

I turned to her and saw her face. Worry was painted across her quivering lip and tear stained cheeks.

I said nothing, the muteness coming over me again. Maybe I should stay mute for a while longer? But then I noticed Ben hovering behind my mother and I knew I had to speak.

" Mom, " I said in monotone, I wiped my face off emotion and stood still as a statue.

" What's going on? Why are you at this sinner's house? She will corrupt you, she is evil. "

Maya looked taken aback by my mother's words and embarrassment crept over me, I wanted to hide in a deep dark hole.

" I'm sorry Mrs Fields, she just got here, " for the first time ever, I heard a wobble in Maya's voice, a nervous edge to it.

" Mom please, " I begged, " Maya is my friend. "

" Please come with us Em, " Ben asked.

" Not when my mother is hurting my friend! " I became protective. If this was how it was when Maya and I were friends, I could only imagine what would happen if she knew about us being more.

My mother sighed and Ben took a few steps forward. " Then come home with me, you can go back to your house when you've cooled down. "

" Well that's better than her staying here, " my mom decided. " Go with Ben, Emily. "

I hesitated, giving Maya an apologetic look before walking towards Ben, her frightened face stuck in my mind. But I knew if I didn't go my mom would begin to question why.

He opened the passenger door for me, the perfect gentleman. As he pulled away from the curb, my nerves heightened and I could feel anger radiating from him.

" You stupid whore! " he yelled at me. " It was so simple, how could you let your mother know you remembered AND THEN run off to Maya? "

" I'm sorry, " I whispered into my lap.

He pulled into his house, both of his parents weren't home. He dragged me mercilessly to his bedroom and shoved me onto the bed, pulling out his laptop, hitting a few buttons before sitting it on my lap and pressing play.

A video played. It was of Maya and I at Noel Kahn's party, inside the photobooth. I didn't even have to watch to know where this was headed. In moments we would kiss.

" I'm sure you're mother would love this, " Ben grinned.

" Please, " I felt ashamed, weak and pathetic.

" Last chance, but double the deal. You have to stay the weekend, no buts. And I forbid you from seeing Maya under any circumstances, you can text and call her if you must but only with my permission and supervision, I will keep your phone until further notice. We will go to school together, have lunch together even if it's with your friends, go to swimming together, come to my house and then I will drop you at home at your curfew time. "

My lip quivered and my stomach dropped. I felt so helpless and alone, my heart sinking to my stomach, but after today, what choice did I have? I slowly nodded and he quickly pounced on me, shredding my clothing and painfully raping me.

When he was finally done, he told me to go get him a beer from downstairs.

My legs hurt as I weakly trudged down the stairs and into the kitchen. I opened the fridge and grabbed a cold beer before trudging back up the stairs to give it to Ben.

I handed him the beer. He was still naked under the sheets and pulled me towards him, roughly embracing me and kissing my forehead.

Tears streamed down my cheeks as I watched him down the drink, his fourth of the night.

Suddenly, I felt a sharp pain sweep across my face as he slapped me. The sudden, alcohol induced violence shocked me.

" Why do you have to love her? I love you so much Emily but I just wish you would listen to me sometimes and be how I want you to be! "

I stayed silent. I didn't know what to say. His anger shocked me.

I tried to imagine Maya's soft embraces and loving kisses, tried to drown out Ben's roughness and harshness.

He fell asleep quickly, but I could wriggle out of his embrace.

The next morning, I woke up before Ben and decided that I should at least try to please him, maybe calm the beast. I went downstairs and got started on breakfast.

Soon I had pesto, tomato and mozzarella omelettes alongside heart cappuccinos on a woven tray. I brought the tray into the bedroom where he appeared to have just woken up. A smile crept across his face. I quickly forced myself to imagine it was Maya laying beside me, about to eat the breakfast I had made.

" Baby, " he kissed my cheek and dug in quickly, but I barely touched my plate. As much as I could imagine it was Maya next to me in this moment, but I could never block out the rape. " So I was thinking we could go out with your friends today for lunch? It would be nice to get to know them more. "

" Sure, " I eagerly agreed to being out in public where you would have to behave appropriately. " May I please call them and set it up? "

He handed me my phone, " 2 minutes each, plus 5 minutes with your mom. She's okay with you staying here by the way, we agreed you need some time to cool off. We will meet them at the Grille at 1am. "

I nodded, my phone fumbling in my hands as I shakily typed in each girls name. They all agreed excitedly, saying they couldn't wait!

I held the cold phone to my ear, I could hear the faint ring on the other side over the thoughts swarming through my head.

" Hello? "

My mother's voice. She sounded like she had been crying a lot, it was scratchy and weak.

" Mom? "

I heard her breath hitch as she fumbled for words, " Emily! I miss you honey. "

" I miss you too mom, but I'll be home after school on Monday. "

Hot tears welled in my eyes. I hated this so much.

" Promise? "

My heart shattered into tiny pieces.

" Of course, I love you mom. "

" I love you too Emily. "


	8. Chapter 8

**This has been just sitting waiting in my doc archive for nearly a month. Oops! And sorry that the end is crappy and rushed.**

The Grille was pretty busy, filled to near capacity with Rosewood High students, local business partners and the occasional unfamiliar face.

Ben had reserved a table for 7 near the window. I sat stiffly next to Ben. I had been dressing a degree more conservatively lately, always opting for jeans instead of shorts. Today I wore blue skinny jeans, a loose flowing black shirt and black flat boots.

The three girls arrived together. Spencer walked in front, showing her naturally found leadership of the group. Hanna followed closely behind, only trailing due to her tall high heels. Aria entered last by a few meters, nonchalantly taking in her surroundings.

" Emily! " Hanna's high pitched screech filled the restaurant and brought a genuine smile to my face.

The joy of seeing my friends almost over rid the horrors of the past little as I jumped up and embraced them, thankful for their presence.

As I hugged Spencer, a soft murmur met my ear, " We need to talk in private after. "

When we pulled back, she held onto my arm for a second, staring into my eyes as if she was searching for something.

We sat down, jam jars with mocktails were scattered across the wooden table. Ben and I sat on one side with Hanna on my right and Aria and Spencer across from me.

Ben took my hand in his and the sinking feeling returned, but instead of bursting into a nervous fit of tears, I kept my cool, a cheesy, wide smile painted from my one ear to the other.

" So Ben, I hear Em is staying the weekend at your house, " Hanna giggled suggestively, " and that your parents are out of town. "

Ben smiled, " You heard the truth. "

Hanna let out a short squeal, Aria wore a huge smile and Spencer raised her eyebrows, shaking her head at me and chuckling under her breath.

" So are you guys, like, sleeping in the same bed? " Hanna was very excited now and was laughing away happily.

I blushed furiously thinking about last nights events, which was obviously mistaken as I shy blush.

Ben gave me a loving look that sent bile up my throat. He nodded, smiling happily.

A chorus of oohs and aahs came from across the table. Spencer looked a little judgemental, but I brushed it off as Spencer being Spencer.

" You guys are so cute! " Aria gushed and I suddenly found Ben's arm being draped around my shoulders. Shivers ran down my spine of dread.

We were just about ready to go, Ben pulled my chair out politely and we all made our way outside the restaurant towards the street outside.

As I stepped out the door, I found fingers grab at my wrist. I whipped around terrified, only to meet Spencer's soft eyes. I sighed in relief.

" I still need to talk to you, " she said under her breath. " Come to mine? "

" I have plans with Ben, " I gritted my teeth at his name, plastering a Barbie smile on my face.

" It's important, " she whined. Something was definitely bothering her. My heart sped up wondering what it was.

" Phone me? "

" E-em! "

" Fine, " I didn't know how to get around my deal with Ben. " Can I meet you before school on Monday? "

" I need to talk to you now! " Spencer was starting get frustrated, her forehead scrunched and her voice shaky.

" Ben, can we take a rain check? " I asked him sweetly.

" Can we talk a second in private? "

He pulled me aside, " You know the deal. "

His finger tightly squeezed around my wrist and I winced in pain. " Please, Spencer is so stubborn. "

" Fine, " Ben muttered, " But I will find a way for you to repay me. "

Tears welled in my eyes at the though of what Ben would do to me. I composed myself and walked towards Spencer.

" Your house then. "


	9. Chapter 9

_**So here is the next chapter! Please tell me what you think! Ps. Emison and Emaya fans, you will both get your chances in this story( but I'm Emison af soz ).**_

" You're cheating on Ben, " her voice was sharp and harsh as she paced up and down her kitchen. I was filled with panic. Did she know about Maya?

" What are you talking about Spence? " I laughed, silently cursing myself for sounding so fake.

" A sent me a photo, " she gritted her teeth and crossed her arms.

Panic pulsed through my veins. " I can explain.. "

" Really Em? "

I was taken aback by her anger, why was this upsetting her so much? Was she homophobic? The daggers she sent my way made my heart sink to my stomach.

" I love who I love Spence, " I gulped.

" And who is that? " Spencer questioned me. " Ben seems to really care about you. "

I scoffed and she glared at me, " I'm serious Emily. If you're going to go around kissing Jason.. "

" Jason? " I laughed, relief washing through me. " What the hell are you talking about? "

Confused, she whipped out her phone to show me the photo. Jason and I were lying on a bed, heavily making out. But it was clearly photoshopped and I couldn't understand why someone so thorough as Spencer wouldn't see that.

" It's photoshopped Spence, " I laughed.

She grabbed the phone and took a second look, then giggle under her breath and muttered, " Oh yeah I see that. "

" I would never do that Spence, " it was funny how ironic it was because I don't even like guys.

" But you are cheating, " Spencer stated in a more serious tone. " You said you love who you love. Who is that Em? "

I bit my lip and gulped. " It's none of your business Spencer. "

She looked taken a back by my sternness.

" Em, you can tell me anything. "

" I don't know if you'll approve. "

I turned away from Spencer, hugging myself and thinking of Maya to give me strength.

" Em, " her voice was softer and she placed her hand reassuringly on my shoulder. Tears brimmed in my eyes and my lip quivered. But why shouldn't I tell Spencer? We had been friends for year and she had never judged me before. A small wave of courage swooped over me and I turned to her, ready tell her everything.

My phone started beeping and vibrating on the counter near Spencer.

" Rosewood PD? " I asked confused. Spencer answered for me. I saw her eyes widen in utter shock and she dropped the phone on the floor. I picked it up and cautiously placed the phone to my ear.

" Hello? Em? "

Her angelic voice birthed butterflies in the pit of my stomach.

" Ali, why are you at the police station? "

" I did. And I did it because I love you, and I never will stop loving you and I want you to love me. "

Her tone was odd, she sounded strange.

" Ali, what did you do? "

" It's over Em, he can never hurt you again. "

" Did you turn him in? "

There was a deadly silence on the other side of the phone and a slow, deep chuckle.

" No. I killed him. "

Relief, pain, betrayal, thankfulness, I'm not sure what exact emotions overcame me in that moment. My expression blank, I turned to as a shocked Spencer walked slowly towards me.

" A-Ali, " Spencer stuttered, " Why aren't you surprised. "

" Because I knew, " I blankly said. " Get in the car, we have to get to the police station. "

We pulled up outside and I quickly texted Maya asking her to come.

Spencer and I quickly got out of the car and hastily made our way into the police station. Cops were running everywhere and I spotted my mother sitting in the waiting room, head in her lap sobbing.

Detective Wilden caught sight of me and quickly made his way over to me.

" Miss Emily Fields, we'd like to ask you some questions. "

My moms head shot up at my name. I wondered what she knew.

" She needs a lawyer present and a parent, " Spencer insisted.

" Mrs Hastings is waiting for us inside, Emily's mother is going to come with. "

Spencer sighed, confused and uncertain of the circumstances. All she knew was that Ali was here.

My mom slowly walked over to us, embracing me in a tight hug. My body was shaking.

" You're in shock Emmy, " she soothed me, " It's a lot to take in, Ali killing your boyfriend. Why the hell would she do that? "

I gulped, what had Alison told the police?

We sat in silence in the cold room as the detective made himself and my mother some coffee. He handed her the cup and placed his on the table. Sitting down, he took out a notepad and started a voice recording.

" Alison has told us a lot, some very interesting things, " he played with the tip of his pen. " Some quite disturbing, I think you will all find her story quite entertaining. "

" Get on with it, " Mrs Hastings irritatedly instructed.

" I'm just going to ask you some questions, please be as truthful as possible. "

I nodded, my poker face still in tact.

" You were friends with Miss Dilaurentis, correct? "

" Yes that's true. "

" And you were dating Ben before she disappeared? "

" Yes. "

" Did you talk about your relationship with Ben to Alison? "

" Uh, I guess. "

" Did you ever describe any details of your relationship that might have made Alison uncomfortable? "

My mind raced. Was he talking about sex? Was I supposed to admit to not being a virgin with my mother and best friend's mother right here?

" Irrelevant detective, " Mrs Hastings quickly interjected, " You cannot question a minor about their sex life in this sort of case. "

" Um, actually Mrs Hastings this topic is quite relevant, " he snapped back.

My mother gave me a shocked look along with Mrs Hastings, I sunk into my chair in shame.

" Emily, please answer the question, " he insisted.

" Yes, " I replied, not daring to look at my mother as I could feel the heat of her gaze glaring on me.

" Emily! " my mother exclaimed, taken aback.

" Mrs Fields please calm down, " he instructed harshly. " When was your first sexual encounter? "

I felt a blush form on my cheeks, " About 3 months before Ali disappeared. "

" You were 15 Emily! " my mother cried softly.

" Don't worry Mrs Fields, she's lying, " he reassured her. Realisation hit me, oh my god. Alison had literally told everything.

Tears streamed uncontrollably down my cheeks. My breathing became sharp and irregular as panic took over.

" Breathe Emily, " Mrs Hastings placed a comforting hand on my arm, " It's alright. "

" Was it not the same night you went missing? " he asked. Clearly he had all the answers already.

My mom gasped, " Emily I was so worried about you for nothing! All you did was run off to have sex! Was it even with Ben? Who was he? "

I was choking on my tears now, hardly able to breathe let alone speak.

" Alison provided us with a video clip, " the detective said.

" Wait, " Mrs Hastings stopped him abruptly, " You have possession of child pornography? "

" It's evidence in the case, " he snapped back.

" I don't want to watch my 16 year old daughter being a slut, " my mother spat out. My heart sunk.

" Fine, Mrs Fields you may leave, " he waved her off. " I'm done with my questioning any ways, I'm just going to inform Mrs Hastings and Emily of the evidence and case overview now. "

My mom quickly got up and left and I buried my face in my arms. I knew exactly what was going to play and it haunted me that Spencer's mother would get to see me as the real whore I am.

" Emily dear, " Mrs Hastings placed a motherly hand upon my back soothingly, " It's alright. "

Detective Wilden quickly set up the video so that it would project onto the screen in front of us.

I saw myself reach for tracksuit pants, when Ben suddenly grabbed at my arm.

" You scared me, " I chuckled, playfully punching his shoulder.

" Ah, well I wanted to surprise you, " his tone was cheerful and a huge smile was spread across his face.

" How did you get here? "

" Walked. "

" You're so silly! I have to go, my mom is waiting for me at home. "

" Just a few minutes Em. "

He crashed his lips into mine, his hands roaming downwards on my body. I hesitantly leaned in. Mrs Hastings gave me a rather disapproving look.

" I need to get dressed Ben. "

" Don't bother. "

My stomach sunk as he started to seductively lower my costume. I quickly pushed it back up and blushed.

" My mom is waiting. "

" What's going on with you, last week you were all over me in my car and this week you have barely given me a second look! "

" I'm sorry, I've just been stressed. "

" Well maybe you just need to relax. "

" I need to get dressed. "

" You need to stop worrying. "

He smashed his lips into mine, forcing me against the locker with his superior body weight.

" Ben, please. "

Ben started lowering my costume again. Desperately I attempted to push him off me, but Ben was strong and heavy. Tears began to stroll down my cheek as he hastily unbuttoned his blue shirt. His abs now pressed uncomfortably against my breasts and I whimpered in discomfort.

" Please stop Ben. "

My voice was desperate and soft, fear trembling through my being.

" Shut up. "

Mrs Hastings once again glanced at me, this time concern and pity washing into her eyes. He ripped my costume down the side and forced it off of me as I tried my utmost to resist.

Ben stood back to admire me, and I tried to run but he laughed cruelly, blocking my way and forcing me back onto the locker.

"Help! "

I tried to scream, but my voice came out weak and muffled.

Ben squeezed my breasts and I flinched. Cold air brushed against my exposed body as more tears cascaded down my face.

Ben grabbed his phone from his pocket.

" Smile, " he chuckled.

I gasped in horror as I realised his intentions. His flash went off multiple times. I tried to shield my body but he smacked my hands away.

He then discarded of his phone, pushing me onto my knees in front of him and manoeuvring my hands to his belt.

I hesitantly unbuckled his jeans, looking up at him pleadingly only to be met with looks of lust. He pushed his jeans and underwear to the ground, exposing his member.

My cheeks flushed red now as Mrs Hastings kept glancing between the screen and myself in utter shock.

I winced and try to look away but he grabbed me by the hair, forcing my mouth around him. He moved me up and down in a bobbing motion. I started to gag and more tears rolled down my cheeks. He soon came into my mouth, forcing me to swallow. The sensation running down my throat caused me to start crying excessively.

" Stop snivelling slut, " he spat at me and I cowered in shame.

He forced me onto the floor, holding me down as he entered me.

I screamed out in pain and was met with the sting of his hand on my cheek.

He thrusted quickly into my tight virgin walls as I bit my lip to suppress my cries of pain. I stared into his cold eyes as he came hard and fast into me.

When he eventually got off of me, he forced me to my feet and passionately kissed my lips.

" I love you Emily, " he said with his eyes roaming over my still naked body.

" Do you really? " I squeaked between sobs.

" Yes, don't even dare question me. It's you who doesn't return my feelings. "

I looked up at him questioningly.

" I will not let you break up with me for Maya, you slut. "

Mrs Hastings gripped my hand tightly, quite unnerved by the realities she had come to face in the last few minutes. Her daugher's best friend was gay and had been raped by the boy who had just been killed by their supposedly dead other friend.

" I'm not with Maya, " I whispered, my voice sore and hesitant.

He scoffed, " You better keep me happy, because otherwise your little secret gets out. "

He kissed me again, dressing himself before pushing me to the ground and running off, leaving my naked.

Wilden stopped the video. He was more sullen now. " I'm so sorry Emily that you had to watch that again, but I do need to get a statement from you confirming that this tape is not tampered with. "

" The tape wasn't tampered with, " I swallowed on the bile rising up my throat.

" Oh my god, " Mrs Hastings warmly embraced me, her motherly instincts taking over, " Emily we all love you matter what and we will support you and get you through this. "

" But my mom.. "

" She will come around, I promise. "

" I know that this is difficult Emily, but we need to have our facts straight, " he stated. " How many other times has he raped you since? "

" I-I'm not sure, " I muttered, " On a few occasions. "

" And were you in fact romantically involved with Maya St Germain? "

" Yes. "

" Are you still? "

" Yes. "

" Alison claims she saw you once, can you please describe the encounter? "

" I had run away from dinner with my mother and Ben and she found me sitting on a rock in between the Hasting and Dilaurentis properties. Umm.. She said she knew about Ben and then she kissed me and said she loved me. "

Mrs Hastings seemed surprised by this revelation.

" How did you respond? "

" I pushed her away, I have a girlfriend. "

" What did she say? "

" That she would win me back. "

" Emily, there is something you should know and I don't want you to panic, " he said in a much kinder tone, " Alison went after Maya, she stabbed her stomach and expected her to die from her wounds, but someone found her and took her to the hospital where she is recovering in the ICU. "


	10. Chapter 10

Fiddling with my fingers, I sat, my leg shaking in the waiting room of the ICU. It's been an entire week and waiting for Maya to wake up has been eating me out inside.

I thought over the events of the past week. Alison's confession had thrown me straight out of the closet. Spencer was shocked to say the least, but all my friends were extremely supportive and comforting in my time of need. They had been with me as often as they could, holding my hand in the waiting room or running to fetch everyone coffee. These small things meant so much to me.

Hanna didn't believe me when I told her about Ben at first. She had this magical idea carved inside her head of Ben and I as the perfect, fairy tale couple and at first, she was in denial. Mostly this was because she felt absolutely dreadful that she hadn't seen past his lying smirk or seen how I was hurting. Hanna had always been the super protective one and it pained her that she hadn't protected me.

Aria was my rock. She had pulled through in ways I couldn't even imagine, helping me deal with the publicity of the case, helping me talk with my dad and even referring my parents to a share group for parents with lgbt children. Alongside her undying emotional support, I couldn't have asked for anymore from my friend.

I haven't seen Alison since, but all the things they are saying about her conflict me. I'm not sure if I should love her unconditionally or lash out at her. At this point, I'm doing nothing. Absolutely nothing. I didn't even attend her hearing yesterday. Soon right? I know, but the DiLaurentis' wanted a quick trial to keep their name from being overly corrupted.

How is my family?

My dad has been amazing. He took leave straight away and has been home for 5 days. He has been with me at the hospital, held me when I couldn't sleep and he even went to one of those parent groups Aria suggested!

My mom on the other hand, probably would have kicked me out if my dad hasn't come home. She hasn't uttered a word to me since the police station, but I've heard her speaking to my father. She is convinced I am Satan himself. She thinks that I helped Ali kill Ben and that Ben never hurt me. She is disgusted by my choice in lifestyle and keeps shoving religious pamphlets under my door at night. I heard her call me a whore. I know I am one, but hearing my own mother says it tears me apart more than I could ever imagine.

" Miss Fields? "

Maya's nurse poked her head around the door cautiously, unsure of what state I would be in. I couldn't blame her, I've been a wreck this past week.

" Maya's doctors say she should start coming to her senses soon, " she smiled encouragingly. " She should wake up sometime tonight if we can predict correctly from her brain activity scans. "

I clasped my hands over my mouth in delight and sighed happily. " Thank you for telling me! Do you think I will be able to see her when she wakes up? "

" Not immediately, her mother has asked to be there when she wakes up, but I think if you stick around we can squeeze you in tonight, even if it's passed visiting hours. "

" Thank you so much! "

I decided to quickly go grab some coffee, but the hospital coffee was pathetic and the Brew was right around the corner.

As I stepped outside of the hospital, I was swarmed with flashes of lights and millions of questions as the eager reporters huddled around me. My anxiety kicked in again as I tried to make my way past them.

" We haven't seen your mother with you all week, care to explain? "

" Will you be attending Ben's funeral? "

" How is Ms Saint-Germain today? "

" Will you be attending the gay rights march this weekend? "

" How do you feel about Alison pleading insanity? Do you support her getting placed in a mental institution over jail, or do you think that this is some manipulative scheme to avoid jail time? "

My head snapped back as I heard the question behind me and rage filled my bones. Clenching my fists, I walked over to the reporter.

" Don't ask me about Alison, okay? I don't want to hear about her, I don't want to think about her and I'm definitely not going to talk about her! "

Tears streaming down my face, I ran past all the reporters and straight into the Brew, where more familiar faces gave me sympathetic glances and worried looks. I quickly ordered an Americano, trying avoid stares. I could hear the whispers pulsing around the Brew, which had become quite deadly silence since I walked in. I couldn't take it any longer, sprinting out with my coffee to the only place I could think of.

I'm not sure why I came here, all my memories here of her are fond and loving. Flicking her blonde curls back lightly, smiling that award winning grin that tugged at my heart. If I wanted to forget about Ali, it probably wasn't the best idea that I came to the kissing rock to do it.

I played with my bracelet, the one she had given me so long ago. I couldn't bare to take it off, even when Maya had asked.

I shrugged off my blue Sharks hoodie, gently placing it along the rocks as a pillow and laying my head down on it. It was so peacefully to just lay here.

My phone beeped and I quickly answered it.

" Ms Fields? "

" Hi, I'm sorry I went out to get coffee and I'm on my way back. Is she awake, can I see her? "

" She's awake, but I'm not sure how you're going to take this news... "

the end

Yeah that's the end! I first intended on writing this as only one story, but to me it just makes a lot more sense to carry on the rest as the sequel which will be 3 years in the future! I've got lads of plans still for the story so keep a look out for the sequel please! I'd say it would be up

by the end of the week because I'm almost finished the first chapter, but I have school camp so next week I promise!

Happy birthday to Leapyearbaby29!


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